I was talking to a friend the other day, who talked about the difference between men and women, specifically how the dress for a night out, and the amount of effort they put in.
I saw this picture last week of girls going out in Newcastle in the midst of the terrible weather that shut down the country. Whilst this is far from my idea of how to dress in foul weather it shows a real commitment to getting glammed up for a night out.
You see it every week, a girl looking dressed up to the nines out with a guy who is literally wearing his “cleanest” jeans, dirty trainers and a 5yo t-shirt. I know before I hear “all right grandad”, that some of the t-shirts cost a fortune and that the dirty trainers many have costs as much as you average widescreen TV, but I think it’s not about what stuff costs, it’s about what it is.
I am a bit different from most “blokes” in that respect, I love to get dressed up for a night out, looking smart is part of the experience for me and it’s not just because I’m getting older I’ve always been the same, a smart pair of jeans, the right shoes, a dress shirt and an awesome jacket (yes, a jacket, I know, right!) make me feel a million dollars for a night out. and I really love a good pair of shoes.
Wherever you stand on the “getting glammed up” debate we’re looking forward to seeing you at the next set of Curves Events party nights, but guys, remember the ladies who attend always look great… so put in some effort, getting glammed up is the first part of the party experience.
There are a hundred ways to say that one is overweight, there is of course overweight, I know, obvious – there is plue-size, there is big and of course more official sounding terms like obese – but the one that seems to delve to the darkest recesses is fat.
For me it’s a word that takes me back to my childhood, to being shouted at in the playground and even called it once by a teacher, that’s what it does for me and why I have made sure it’s a word I give zero power to.
Personally it’s a word that I give no power to – I’m fat, I’m a load of other things too, but it’s one of them. In the same way that other groups have taken back words used to hurt them, I think that the F word only has the power we give it and I refuse to give it any.!
People can be spiteful, they can be hurtful and they can be oblivious to the hurt that a “joke” can cause or that something they thing is being smart, or funny or clever can have someone in tears. I know a girl who don’t go out anymore, by that I mean out to a bar or a restaurant, all because a group of teenage boys thought it would be hilarious to follow her down the street calling her “fatty”. She’s coming to her next local Curves Events party night and I know she’s gonna have an awesome time.
Whether you use the F word or not, what’s important is that you know it’s ok to be you, be authentically you and know that no matter what the haters say, there are always people who are there to support you. We’ve got a new Facebook group and that’s the exact reason why we started it, why not pop in and check it out
When we started Curves Events one of our first decisions was the vibe that our party nights would have, we wanted them to be cool and fun and completely inclusive, somewhere where we could feel free to be ourselves and so can you.
One of the important elements was that the venues were cool. How do we encourage people to be proud of who they are, to stop them from feeling marginalised by hiding them away in a backstreet pub or a hotel function room, we knew that our venues were not only important, they were vital.
That’s why we’ve focused on getting only the best venues on Friday & Saturday nights in the highest profile, party cities in the UK. For our first 4 venues we chose private rooms for our exclusive use on Friday nights within Revolution Cocktail Bars. We’ve created the best of both worlds. Our events are in awesome, cool and up to the minute venues, but we have an exclusive space within it, meaning we can have a non-judgemental safe and body positive space to party in.
We’d love to meet you at one of our party nights, so why not come along and say hi.
We’re always up for suggestions for mew venues and new cities, so if you know somewhere you’d love to see a Curves Events party night, just let us know.
My name is James, I’m a 43yo and I’m overweight. I thought it was important to start with that, although it is by no means the most important part of my identity or most prominent thought in my mind, but it it the reason why I started Curves Events.
I’m a graphic designer and a business owner and in most things I do, I get by pretty well, I love my job (even if it is a bit stressful sometimes), have a great family, a wife, son and 2 dogs.. pretty normal right? I thought so until last year when I was confronted by one element of my life that was not “normal”. Normal for me, but the rest of the world seemed to think differently. What was the event?
My wife’s uncle died, it was a complete shock and we were devastated. He was a good bloke and someone my wife looked upto a lot, we live in England and the funeral was in Glasgow, where we are from originally (and why we chose to host our first event there). We went to Glasgow for the funeral, I didn’t own a black suit, I’m a graphic designer and tend to live my life in jeans and a hoodie, although I own some smart clothes, I didn’t have a black suit. This is where the “drama” began
I am a big man, but by no means huge, I’m 5″9 was around 20st at the time and had a 52″ chest and a 44″ waist, when we started looking for a suit I thought I’d be able to find something, not in one of the bargain stores, their idea of a 2XL is laughable at times.. but surely in somewhere like M&S or one of the department stores. Sounded easy, well it wasn’t. It was a nightmare… I spent the day going from store to store, feeling more and more annoyed at myself for being overweight and at the stores I was in for stopping their ranges at a 48″ chest. By the end of the week I was almost in tears several times, had had about five fights with my wife and felt thoroughly ashamed of myself for being so fat that I wasn’t going to get a suit despite having money to spend.
I got a suit in the end, but I had to go to a specialist menswear store and the range was very limited, Whilst I was there, I also got a strong vibe that the assistant looking after me, who was 6ft tall and probably had around a 30″ waist was taking pity on me. I wasn’t overly chuffed about that, as I not a person to be pitied, but I got to go to the funeral in a black suit and see him off properly.. Why is this relevant? well it was the start of an idea, a feeling that it wasn’t fair that I had to feel uncomfortable being me, I felt marginalised and it wasn’t a nice feeling.
I couldn’t do much about the availability of plus-size mens suits but I thought I could do something about that feeling of being marginalised of feeling pitied or picked on that this incident reminded me of. I was always the “fat kid” I actually had a teacher call me “fat and slow” in front of a class full of kids when I was younger, I’ve been bullied about my weight and been on more diets than I care to count in the past, but I am at ease with myself and my weight.. so I made a decision I was gonna do something to create a place where plus size people didn’t need to worry about being marginalised, where we just got to be ourselves in a body positive, inclusive and fun environment – I can’t make suits but I can throw a party! so that’s what we do, at that moment Curves Events was born.
What’s important to me about Curves Events parties is that everyone feels comfortable, regardless of their size, shape or weight, you get to socialise, make friends or strut your stuff knowing that you can just be you. The other thing I wanted to make sure was that the parties were not held in dingy back street venues, only the best would, so that’s exactly what we did.
My plan for this blog is for myself and the team behind Curves Events to post their thoughts, relevant finds and also updates and info on our parties and events.
Someone asked me today why Curves Events, why did I feel it was so important my reply was longer than I expected so I thought I’d share it here.
I can’t claim all the credit if I’m really honest the seeds of the idea belong to my husband my best friend and dancing partner. However the moment he shared I adopted it and am claiming it as almost mine, here’s why.
As a 40 something who has spent two decades being the fat one, the fat friend, the fat colleague the invisible family member. I’m sick of deciding if I can go to an event or party be working out if people like me go to X venue. I’m sick of worrying as I approach a venue if I’ll get a not tonight love because how I look doesn’t fit with the ethos of the venue. I’m sick of adapting what I wear incase someone judges me too fat for that. I’m sick of being the hold the bags watch the drinks. I’m sick of getting past all this to get into a venue and dancing in a corner incase I somehow make people stare or laugh or point cos look fat lass is dancing.
So I purposefully set out to find venues where I’d never go ( but secretly would have loved too ) bang in the centre of cities where I can invite people just like me and say come along don’t worry about bouncers your in. don’t worry about being judged unless it’s that you are fucking awesome. Never tell yourself your worth is measured by the size of the pants you wear.
If I can stop one person from dreading an event. To stop them dancing in there bedrooms because they won’t be on the dance floor. If I can prevent a few not tonight love’s I’ll be happy.
My aim is to create a space that people can come along and celebrate just being them. Dance the night away in those venues they don’t think they’re worthy of without fear of judgement, cat calls or rudeness and even sometimes violence. A place they can look forward to coming sipping cocktails and being the person they are in the safety of their own room.